I haven’t been very visible of late – not on my blog, not on Facebook, not anywhere.
I’ve been in the midst of the biggest “meltdown” I can remember having in years.
For the last 3 years I’ve been growing in an understanding of the inside-out nature of life. As my understanding has deepened, I’ve experienced levels of peace of mind I genuinely didn’t think were possible in this life. Sure, I still went up and down in my moods, and I still had problems in my life – but nothing seemed to stick to me the way it used to.
My experience of even what we think of as bad emotions was sweeter and easier as a result of understanding that ALL of my experience is created from thought, and that there is nothing I need to do about my thinking – when I allow it to flow, it passes through me like clouds across the sky. And beneath all the thinking is a deeper wisdom, always in operation, even when it’s hard to see. The sun is always shining, whatever the weather tells me.
I naively expected never to really “suffer” at a deep level again.
Then, a couple of months ago, my world collapsed. Nothing major happened on the outside, but suddenly my thinking got stirred up to a level where it just seemed to take on a life of its own, totally beyond any control I might like to kid myself I usually have.
I often show my clients how we can all get caught up in “thought storms”. Well, now I found myself in the midst of a MAJOR thought weather system, swept up and battered by the wind and rain, with nowhere to hide, drowning in despair.
I found myself again and again referring to this as a “meltdown”. Somewhere in the midst of all the suffering, I got curious about why we use this term.
And can meltdowns be good for us?
When we look at the literal process of meltdown – of smelting metal, and refining it to a greater purity – this involves intense heat, and a reduction of the initial form back to a formless liquid. All sense of what had existed is lost.
In that place of being reduced back to the formless, the dross is able to rise to the surface and can be separated out. From that state, the purified metal now has potential to be formed into all manner of things – there are endless possibilities for what can be created as it is remoulded, cooled and allowed to return to form.
If we didn’t understand this, the meltdown might look like a destructive process. Once we understand what’s going on, we can see that it is a necessary part of purification, and allows for even better things to be created back in the world of form.
And so it seems for me – and for all humans. Sometimes the heat gets turned up so high on our lives that we completely fall apart, melt down, lose a sense of our formed selves. But that process, if we understand it and can allow it to happen without fighting it, will allow the impurities of our neurotic impersonal thinking to float to the surface and separate from us.
From that place, we are a purer potential – full of possibility, free to be a purer version of ourselves, no longer attached to our personal thinking, more in touch with who we really are and more available to create magic in the world around us.
I’m still pretty melted right now, but seeing something of the nature of meltdowns has even made this (frankly horrible!) experience easier to bear. So, here I am – still sad. And full of hope.
If you’d like to know more about where to find this peace of mind and this is a conversation you’d be interested in having, please get in touch to find out more about working with me – Contact Me.