Over the last few days I’ve been spending some time on my “impossible” project – creating a beautiful, organised home. This continues to look pretty impossible to me (if you lived here, you’d see why!). Progress has been made, and yet the creative process has figuratively thrown everything up in the air, so that there is more of a sense of disorder than when I started. It’s a more emotional journey than I could have imagined, and I’m learning a lot.
Overwhelm is created in my thinking.
There have been days where the disorder seems so overwhelming that I could cry. Knowing that my low state of mind is creating the meaning of overwhelm in my thinking means the difference between giving up altogether, and knowing when it’s just time to step away for a while. My house is certainly physically overloaded right now, but the sense of overwhelm ebbs and flows as my thinking changes. What a relief to know when it all feels too much that my thinking will change when it’s ready, without me having to do anything except wait!
My mentor pointed out that sometimes just starting is a struggle, and yet once we’ve begun, a flow state often follows. In the same way as “Writer’s Block” is just a state of mind, I’m finding “Organiser’s Block” works the same way. It was a struggle to make a start on what seems such a big project – yet I noticed within 5-10 minutes of starting, a sense of ease and flow had overtaken me.
Creation has its own timescale
So often before, I’ve given up and branded myself a failure for not being able to get my house in order. I was trying to pack my schedule so full, get it all done in a few days. It never worked – and so seemed an impossible task. This time, I’m allowing myself to rest as I feel guided to. I don’t feel inspired all the time – but just enough of the time, that order is gradually being created. Progress is being made with a sense of ease, because I’m no longer imposing rigid time limits upon it.
What was I thinking?
This has often felt like a journey into chaos, a journey into the horror of wondering, “How did I ever let it get to this?” “What on earth was I thinking, hanging onto all this stuff?”. It’s a remnant of how I used to think life worked – that “stuff” on the outside could make me feel better. Now I understand that my innate state is one of wellbeing and joy, so much of this stuff seems futile. And I can be kind with myself, knowing that I just hadn’t seen this yet during my period of accumulation.
There’s magic in the space!
I see now that this is not a journey into chaos, but a journey into space. For so long it looked true to me that if there was a space, it should be filled with something. This was true both of my time, and my physical space. I’m gradually learning to slow down in my life, and see that space isn’t a waste – that it has a value in its own right. New, inspired thinking comes out of the blue – space makes that easier to see. As space has begun to appear in my physical environment, I’m noticing what a beautiful feeling comes with it. As I de-clutter, I notice the desire to go much further than my original intention. I’m beginning to breathe again and, while I still don’t quite know what this process will bring me, I’m convinced there’s magic in this space – space for unlimited creative potential to blossom!
Now, off to fill a few more charity bags, and relax into the space…!
If you’d like to know more about where to find this peace of mind and this is a conversation you’d be interested in having, please get in touch to find out more about working with me – Contact Me.